The Secret Lives of Children- Tiyana the Defiant Colt

The Secret Lives of Children- Tiyana the Defiant Colt

And there was Tiyana…. Tiyana the only child I have never been able to reach, the only child who never allowed me inside her inner sanctum.
The strange case of Tiyana… She was a beautiful girl: tall, bright-eyed with stunning features, and who unfortunately carried quite the wallop on her. Every so often, in the midst of a lesson or an activity, we would hear “Leavmehalone!” and I know that Tiyana was still awake.
To say that she had an attitude was an understatement… to say that she was an attitude would be much more accurate and appropriate. She was trouble, I could tell that from day one. She was a mean nasty little girl wrapped up in the most deceiving of packages. Her mother, a plucky woman with a commanding presence and plenty of attitude to spare, told me during the first conference on my second day as her teacher, that her daughter was a problem: she had an attitude and under no circumstances should I tolerate any lip from her. All I would have to do was make a phone call home and she would be there to set the girl straight. Perhaps I did a disservice to Tiyana that I tried to handle her myself. I didn’t want her to get hit because of my inexperience as a teacher… so I tried to deal with her with all the limited tools that I had at my disposal: the time out corner, no recess, and Ms. Roberts’ corner, the Siberia of North Fork Second Grade.
She was a mean spirited little girl who invoked fear in the hearts of the other children. She was a commanding presence on the playground. I would watch her from where I stood, examining her, dissecting her, and trying to discover the secret to her success. She was the type of girl who would issue forth a command and others would obey instantaneously. I wanted to know where she derived her absolute authority over the children. She was my Stalin. People obeyed her not because of any love that they may have harbored in their heart for her but out of sheer terror. You did as she said because if you didn’t, you might be banished to a gulag.
On a regular basis, little girls would come sobbing to me with tales of her viciousness and vindictiveness. They were shunned because it had been her wish. No rhyme or reason to it all. Her best friend Shasheona was rejected for one recess and that was the most surprising thing. And when she kicked you out of the inner sanctum, it would seem that life as you knew it was over even though there were 17 other students to play with, who were infinitely more fun and definitely more caring.
The day Shay was thrown to the wayside was particularly memorable, because the girl cried as though she had lost her entire family. She was inconsolable. I promised that I would be her friend forever, but she wasn’t interested. I brought the other girls one by one, each bearing gifts of one kind or another. But none of it stopped that poor girl’s tears. She wanted her best friend back, and her best friend would have none of that. I appealed to Tiyana’s better sense. She just stood there staring me defiantly in the face, locking eyes with me, daring me to do what I really wanted to do. “Okay, fine Tiyana! I can’t make you be nice but I can try to teach you how to get along with Shay, so for the rest of the day you two will hold hands. You will hold hands in line, in the cafeteria, at specials…You will continue to hold hands until you learn to get along with each other which all I ask of you”
She stared at me, this bone-chilling stare and tried to defy me for as long as she could. “You know the longer you put off doing what I have asked you to do, the longer this will last. The choice is up to you.”
She marched herself to her former best friend swinging her arms from side to side. Then she grabbed Shay’s hand and held it with such contempt. It was pointless to try to make her accept the punishment with radiant acquiescence. I was satisfied with the fact that she had at least relented to do what was asked of her. I was so relieved not to be forced into a confrontation with her.
And so the days passed. She would be sent to the corner four or five times a day. Every single time it was because she copped an attitude about any and all things that were asked of her. Sometimes she would march herself to the corner crying silent tears, at the injustice of it all, but she never uttered a word. And as I ordered her into the corner the fear ran through me that I might be breaking her spirit. And that was the part that kept me awake most nights. She was a girl with great spirit. I couldn’t imagine anything breaking her down or keeping her down for that matter. And then I realized what she reminded me of. A black stallion colt… She was my spirited colt and I lacked the necessary skills to tame her.
And yet she was capable of great acts of kindness and when she was happy she had the most beautiful of smiles.
I always imagined her as leather clad biker chick leaning against the wall of her local hangout, intimidating the other girls. I could see her sticking out her chest and cornering the likes of Riche and Tequisha and beating them into submission. Or else there was the image of her a powerful and influential lawmaker who would never back down from any fight or any situation. A brilliant public defender… but quite honestly she would most probably end up being a thug.
But it was her other habit that drove the class to distraction. Every day at least two or three boys and girls would scream out. “Ms. Bahrami! Tiyana rolled her eyes at me again!” as if it was the most offensive act that could be committed by one of their classmates. But at least, she was controlling her smoldering tongue.
“I know dear… just don’t look at her. But tell me why are you looking at her when you should be doing your homework anyways?” that usually stopped the whining from the other side. Oops! They themselves had been caught being disobedient and therefore could not and would not be offered my protection.
But sometimes I would not be so callous. “I know dear. But what can I do? The screws holding her eyes have become loose and I can’t seem to find my special eye-rolling screwdriver.” I would try to laugh it off, but the kids just looked at me in the beginning as if to try to figure out how it was that I just couldn’t understand that gravity of the situation. And a few seconds later I would hear her grunt “Levmehlone!”
Possibly talk about the time that some one had rolled their eyes at her and she was crying!
Life in the inner city is tough. Let us not kid ourselves about it. The horrors that these kids are exposed to at such an early age are so horrendous, so egregious that not only does it warp the children, but most sadly, robs them of a childhood, a time of innocence and wonder. That it worst crime we who stand by the wayside commit against these children.
Tiyana came to school one Monday morning looking rather morose. She lined up at the Media Center without any incidents, did not utter a single word as we walked to class, and then took out her homework without being prompted.
“Okay everyone! Good morning! I know I missed you guys a lot this weekend and I am so looking forward to our week together!” Blank hungry stares from my audience. “So do you guys want to share any thing about your weekend with the class?”
And immediately several hands shot up. Every one wanted to talk about the swimming pool and Boomers. But Tiyana who always has something to say, usually in the middle of some one else’s story, remained motionless, staring out in front of her. After several stories, I called on Tiyana. “Dear, do you have anything you would like to share with the class?”
“I am very sad!”
“I can tell that, honey. Why don’t you tell us why you are sad maybe we can cheer you up?”
“My daddy had moved back to Georgia!” she said as she fought back her tears.
“Well I am sure he is going to come back soon.”
“No, he isn’t” She growled with such vehemence. “He is going to live with his son and I will never see him again. He had told..”
“Say told dear, you don’t need to say had!’
“He had… I mean he told my mom that he was never coming back!”
“Why is that dear? Did they have an argument? I’m sure when he feels bett…”
“No, my mom had got mad at him because he pushed her, so she had took a knife and stabbed him… like this” and she started stabbing wildly at the desk with vengeance.
“Oh dear!” I was speechless. How could I turn this into a positive experience? “Well, that is why we keep telling you not to hit each other in the playground because you can really hurt each other’s feelings.”
“But he has to come back next week.”
“See and you were worried that you were never going to see him aga…”
“Because he has to turn himself to the police and go to jail.”
Now she had me stumped.. What was I to say to this?
During “Say No To Drugs” week she stunned us all once again. We practiced how we would say no to a person who would offer drugs to us. Then we had a fantastic discussion about just who would be offering us drugs.
“My uncles are in jail.” She blurted out during the discussion. “My little uncle Thaddeus had gone…”
“Don’t say had gone dear, just went!”
“Oh my bad!” she said as she continued all in one breath, “My uncle Thaddeus had went to jail ‘cuz he is a baser and was selling crack to some people on our street. So now he is in jail and he had missed his own birthday and he had missed mine too. And I am sad ‘cuz he used to play a lot with me.”
“Hmm” was all I could think to offer to the girl.
She took another breath and said, “And my uncle Lamar had gone to jail because he roughed up some one who had owed him a lot of money, even more than fifty dollars. He’s going to be there for a longest time because that guy had died in the hospital. And now there is no one to play with me at my Nana’s house, so I have to go to the Boys’ and Girls’ Club.”
And what is there to say to a child who shares this about their family background with you? What other than thug mentality could she have?

The next week, I was called into the office as I was taking the kids to Art. “Ms. Bahrami, there is a parent here to see you.” That is always a mixed blessing in my school, as parents rarely come to discuss their kid’s progress or lack thereof.
I was there five minutes later, looking around to see who was waiting for me but all I saw was a young skinny boy of perhaps sixteen, slapping a “Flower Power” note book in an agitated manner on his knee.
So I asked the receptionist. “Ms. Rosario, you said there is some one here to see me?”
“Yes Ms. Bahrami, Mr. Goines is here to see you!” as she motioned behind me.
“Huh?” I said as I turned around, and the skinny kid stood up!!!
“Ms Bahrami. I am very unhappy”, he said in the most serious of tones.
I was still recovering from the shock of him being who the receptionist said he was. I wanted to ask him when he had gotten out of jail; perhaps I should congratulate him even… But I wisely decided against it.
“Mr. Goines. So nice to meet you,” I said as I held out my hand. “Let’s walk back to the room where we can talk in private.”
But he was too angry and in too much of a hurry. “Ms Bahrami… I am too upset about this,” he said as he opened the little pink notebook to a page that had one badly written sentence on it.
I stopped and took the notebook from him. On the page was written what amounted to “Riche is a damn ugly bitch” I looked at him confused. “I don’t understand! That is Tiyana’s handwriting.” Was he actually ratting out his own daughter?
“Yes, “ he said flustered. “She had wrote this in class!”
”In my class?” I was stunned.
“No, at the Boys’ and Girls’ club”
I was confused. Shouldn’t he be talking to them about this? “This upsets me because the children know I don’t tolerate any meanness between them.”
“Ms. Bahrami, I wanna tell you that because of my business, I am out of town a lot.” I found that hard to believe but found it unnecessary to call the man on it. “I can’t be here, but my wife can. We just want to ask you to keep Tiyana and Shay away from each other. Shay is a nasty girl and is trouble for Tiyana.” I begged to differ with him but still I let him continue. ”So we want to ask you not to let them have anything with each other during school.”
“As you wish, but it will be difficult because they are best friends”
“No playing, not even in the playground.”
“I will try to do my best.”
“Now, can I see her so that she can see that we are serious?”
“Yes, of course!” I said.” I’m sure she will be very happy to see you.”

The problems within her family continued. A few months later, I asked the children the same innocent question again, “Tell me bout your weekend, but this time write about it.” Some children jumped at the chance to write. Others hemmed and hawed, until finally Bruno volunteered, “But Ms. Bahrami, I had a terrible weekend.”
“Dear, I didn’t ask you to write about your fabulous weekend, I just want you to write about your weekend. I personally had a lousy weekend. I was very sad because I missed all my family and friends. I cried even. But you know that was my weekend.”
With that little story, the rest of them perked up. Yes, they had permission to tell me about their lousy weekends. Just how lousy, we were about to find out.
The first few volunteers read about waterslides, ice cream and their swimming feats. Tiyana once again sat in silence. She hadn’t written a single word.
“Tiyana, do you want to read what you have written?”
“I am very sad because my weekend was very bad. My mother and father had got into a fight and my mother had got so mad at my father that she had picked up scissors and had tore up all of his pictures. And then my father had got mad and… and.” She started to tear up.
“It’s ok, dear. Take a deep breath. Tell us and maybe we can help you feel better.” Tears now started rolling down her face as she shook her head. The children started to be loving and encouraging to her. “Come on, Tiyana, we will help you to feel good,” Bruno promised her.
Tiyana looked up and looked at all of us. Then she took a deep breath. “My father had got mad and then,” she started to cry,” and then he punched my mother in the eye so hard and now… and now,” She started to sob, “And now she is blind and cross-eyed out of one eye! And she told him to get out and he’s going away for ever and I will never see him for as long as I live.” and then she started sobbing. I went to her and put my arms around her. “Shhhh, baby! It will be fine.”
“No it won’t! She is blind out of one eye!” she sobbed.
“No, honey. The doctors can help her. Has she gone to a doctor?”
“ No she will go today.”
”I bet she’ll have good news for you when you get there.” And yet what if it wasn’t true, she would think of me as a liar forever.
That set off a flurry of different stories. It seemed like all the fathers in the class were beating up on the mothers. It seemed that all the children had tried at various times to rescue their defenseless mothers from their fathers.
We spent the rest of the day talking and sharing and ended it by drawing a safe place where nothing bad could happen and our safety could be assured. Bruno even drew a picture of me driving an ice-cream truck!
I took Tiyana aside as the others were drawing their safe places.
“Listen, honey. I know that tonight is going to be a rough night for you because it is the first night without your father. So how about if Mr. Snugums comes home with you for this week to make sure that everything goes smoothly.”
Her eyes brightened up immediately. Mr. Snugums was our beloved stuffed brown bear. The kids would always beg and plead to be allowed to keep him at their desks, and here I was bestowing the most extraordinary honor on Tiyana! Not only would she be allowed to hold him, but also she would be allowed to take him home! And not for just one night… for an entire week.
“Really?!!” she said with pure amazement. “I can hold him now?” her eyes pleading with me.
“No, honey!” I said as I glanced around the classroom surveying the confused yet jealous looks in the eyes of the other children. “You get to keep him for a week. I think that the others would may be feel bad if you got to keep him at your desk during the day as well. I don’t know, what do you think?”
She nodded her head, for had the honor been bestowed on some one else, hers would have been the loudest voice in protest. “Kay!”
For the rest of the day I had to contend with sixteen other children bringing their sad cases to me, begging to be allowed to take other stuffed animals home. “But, Ms. Bahrami…. You don’t understand I am very sad and lonely.”
Each and every time when I had to say no, I think my heart broke just as badly as theirs. How did Solomon ever manage to dole out his justice?
But nothing broke my heart more than what was about to happen next.
As we lined up to go for lunch I heard a scream and then Riche skidding across the floor, sobbing.
“What happened?” I demanded. I had just turned my back for a split second to get my money for lunch.
“Levmehlone” Tiyana barked as she rolled her eyes and turned around with her arms folded across her chest.
I held Riche in my arms, trying to ascertain if she was all right. In the meantime fifteen eager voices tried to tell me simultaneously just what Tiyana had managed to do this time. Apparently Riche had stood behind Shasheona in line. But since Shay and Tiyana were the bestest of friends, she had decided that the spot rightfully belonged to her. All this despite my new rule that the two girls were not allowed to stand together in line, as per Mr. Goines. She then proceeded to try to squeeze herself between the two girls, and when that did not work, she shoved Riche with all of her might and sent her flying.
“Tiyana Goines,” I said sternly. “My goodness! We are all going to the same place at the same time to eat the same food. Must we go through this each and every time that we line up for lunch? Come on guys! You are almost third graders, not in Pre-K! “ I looked around at my fidgety class who stood in line with their eyes accusingly staring at Tiyana. “Tiyana, I want to speak to you. Line leader! Door holder! Start moving towards the cafeteria.”
Tiyana did not come towards me. She just stood there kicking the ground and scrunching her face, almost muttering.
“You know, I promised I would give you Mr. Snugums for a week.” I said as I put my arm around her shoulder and moved towards the end of the line. But I am sorry, young lady. You did something you shouldn’t have done. You knew that you shouldn’t have done it. You know the class rules. So now you only get to keep him for one night. Because I do not and will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my classroom.” I looked at her; her face just became more scrunched up. “The classroom is our safe place because we have rules, and we all follow those rules. You don’t want it to become an unsafe place do you?” Frankly, I don’t think at that point she really gave a hoot what kind of a classroom it was, so long as she got the bear. She moved very slowly dragging her feet along the path. “That is okay if you are in a bad mood now, because it shows that you are thinking about what just happened. Don’t let it happen again!” But I knew full well that it would.
The next morning a smiling Tiyana happily handed the bear back to me. Would my colleagues ever be surprised! They had assured me that it was the last I would see of Mr. Snugums.
She beamed at me as she said, ”Ms. Bahrami! Mr. Snugums helped me a lot. He had done my homework with me, watched TV, ate dinner and then had watched over me as I had slept! It was fun!”
I smiled at her and gave her a hug. At least she was smiling throughout her ordeal.
The next week during my free time I received a very belligerent call from Tiyana’s mother. She cut right to the chase. “Ms. Bahrami, I want to know what right you have to send my daughter out of the classroom for a week and make her write a letter of apology!”
Boy was I shocked! I thought that this would be a friendly call thanking me for all of my efforts with her, For having made the transition ot living without her father a bit easier for her. Instead this mother wanted to tear me from limb to limb over the phone.
“I’m sorry? I am afraid I don’t understand what you are referring to!”
“Didn’t you kick my daughter out of the class for a week?”
“No, I could and would never do something like that.” I was trying very hard to understand what she was talking about. And then I remembered! “On Friday, Tiyana said some very hurtful things to another child. I sent her to Ms. Roberts’s class with paper so she could write a letter of apology to the child, to me and to you.”
There was silence on the other side of the line.
”And then I added that if she needed to go to the other classroom for a week to complete what I had asked her to do, it would be fine with me. The choice was up to her.”
“She… she … she told me something different.”
“I know that but I am telling you what I told her. But I am glad you called because I am very worried about Tiyana.” I was trying to work my way up to discussing her home situation with her mother.
“Why? Have her grades slipped?”
“Well, she is having difficulty concentrating and she is not being nice towards her fellow classmates.” I paused before I said the next thing. “Frankly, I think it might have something to do with what is going on at home right now.”
She immediately barked back, “What is going on at home?”
Was she kidding me? Had she recovered from her injuries so quickly?
“You know the episode with you and Mr. Goines. And how you couldn’t see out of your eye for a long time.”
“Ms. Bahrami,” She screamed over the phone. “I have no idea what you are talking about. Tiyana has a perfect family life.”
”I’m sorry? But you don’t understand, the child was hysterical last week. We did nothing but talk about this all last Monday. I sent the teddy bear home with her to ease her pain.”
She was adamant. “I can see that she has started with her lying again. You can be sure that I will be having a nice long talk with her tonight to set her straight. Good day!” And then there was a dial tone.
My goodness! Could it be true? Could Tiyana have fabricated the whole story? Or as an abused woman, was her mother unwilling to admit what was really going on in her house? I am still not too sure what really happened.
And just when I thought that I had her figured out as the biker chick thug, who could possibly beat me up in a dark alley because I sent her to the corner so many times, Tiyana showed a side of her that totally floored me.
Periodically a group of highschool students would come to our classroom to do a “Character Development “ program with the children. There were songs and lessons, that to me seemed half baked, but the kids really enjoyed them. I had always thought that the half an hour that they had together was a welcome respite for me. But there was always so much guidance that the older children needed, and I had to jump and down like a fool most days to get my children excited enough to participate in the program.
The lessons went by “smoothly” and the kids really bonded with the older children. All except Tiyana, who was standoffish with every one. The second to last day of the program, when the children were being prepped for their upcoming performance, one of the older girls brought a camera to take a picture of the second graders, as a souvenir. It was only then that the children realized that after the performance, they would probably never see the highschoolers again. Every one was sad, including me. We had bonded and I enjoyed my interactions with them as well. We were all in the midst of hugging each other when we heard a terrible crying sound. I looked around to see who it was. To my extreme surprise it was Tiyana. She was holding onto Melissa for dear life and refused to let her go. Her crying was so gut-wrenching that soon even the boys were crying.
“Come on, Tiyana! Why are you crying dear?”
Just an open mouthed wail with lots of liquid oozing from everywhere.
“Honey, Melissa will be back tomorrow!”
Wailing!
“Tiyana, your crying is a good thing. It means you have made a friend that you love. And maybe if we can ask nicely the girls will come back for a visit again before school is out!”
She just sobbed and carried on. She had such a fit that we had to send her to the nurse’s office.
This was a scene that was repeated at the final performance, and then when Kyle’s mom withdrew him from school, and then when the girls came back for their “Thank you” party.
Clearly the girl was suffering from separation anxiety. She had been traumatized so badly in her personal life that she could not handle a loss of any kind. One day she had a father, the next day she didn’t. One day she had two attentive uncles, and the next day she didn’t. Would she ever see any of them again? God only knew.
I began to dread what our final day together would be like. I had stopped her from crying a few times when we talked about the party we would be having on the second to last day.
And then the dreaded hour arrived. The first to say goodbye would be the bus and van riders. I stood by the door with outstretched arms, hugging my little chickies for the final time before they flew the nest. One by one they filed by and hugged me for dear life, telling me how much they loved me, how they would visit me every single day. They promised that they would never ever, as long as they lived, forget their funniest teacher. Could they please not be promoted to third grade?
And then it was Tiyana’s turn. I braced myself, preparing for the worst. She turned her head and she brushed passed me. “Wait up, Shay!” she yelled as she crossed the threshold of the classroom, and disappeared into the crowd of students heading towards their buses.
And that was it. Part of me was very happy that there was no ugly scene. Part of me was happy that the last day had not traumatized her. But, no goodbye? No smile? No hug? No closure? The spirited colt had broken free, and was now heading towards uncharted territory.